Ah, mommy guilt. Feel free to leave at any time, will ya?
Ha ha.
Unfortunately, it comes with the territory of being a mom, and unless you can find a way to quell it, it will always be there, nagging in the back of your mind.
Come on, moms....you know what I'm talking about!
Before your baby is born, you have this idealistic expectation of what will happen as you raise your little angel. "My baby will never sleep in my bed. Nor will he/she watch tv, eat anything that is not homemade and/or organic. We will spend our days snuggling on the couch, reading educational books and listening to classical music."
Yeah, this was pretty much my idea before Lily was born. I was going to cultivate and raise this healthy, spiritually aware little being that would never know the likes of Sesame Street or Yo Gabba Gabba before the age of 2. She would slumber peacefully in her own bed for 12 hours straight and would be perfect.
WRONG! And I have to laugh, because this is where the guilt comes in! And this is why....
1. I plunk her in front of the TV every day for at least a bit... for my own sanity. I need to make myself something to eat.. .or just sit on the computer for 10 minutes so that I can have a moment to myself. But here comes the guilt: Is her language development getting hindered by watching this silly program? We could be reading an educational book right now, spending more quality time...
2. She sleeps in my bed. Every night. Everyone says "you really should put her in her crib. Just let her cry it out. Crying never hurt anyone" (you know, I really need to get a t-shirt for Lily that says 'my mom doesn't want your advice'). Anyways, so here I am, feeling immensely guilty that I am not teaching my daughter healthy sleep habits by letting her sleep in our bed. And further, she's mobile now, and there is a very large chance that one of these days she's going to bail out of bed onto her noggin on the hard floor.....
3. I give her tylenol. And I think... am I giving it to her more than I should? My mind wanders to my earth-mama friend who matter-of-factly states that none of her children have ever had tylenol... that when her kids have fevers, they get water and snuggles and that does the trick. WTH??? My mind wanders to last night, when at 4:30 am my daughter's 3 day fever stint had returned with a vengance, and her poor little body was burning up. So I stumble out to the kitchen and grab the tylenol, and attempt to rouse a sleeping child to administer it. Of course, she's pissed that I woke her up, and half the first dose trickles all over her chin and onto the pillow (yes, we sleep with pillows near baby. judge away people). So, I fill the plunger up with another dose and into the mouth it goes. And then for good measure, one more dose. Realistically here, I have no idea how much I have just given her, because she spat a lot of it out, and that silly tylenol dispenser sucks. And now my mind is wandering into the guilt territory again, thinking OMG am I damaging her liver by od'ing her on tylenol??? Did she get enough?? Will the fever go down???? and so on.....guilt guilt guilt. Worry worry worry...
4. I don't make her baby food. I got a baby bullet for a shower gift and I was so excited to put it to use. When the time came, I went to the organic market and stocked up on veggies and fruit to blend up to perfection.
I think I made one batch of sweet potatoes for her. The look on her face when I proudly served her the first spoonful was priceless. It was as if I had just served her doggy doo. She shuddered and spat it all out, and never touched another bite. Same thing with the bananas that I pureed. And the avocado. So now the baby bullet collects dust in the pantry and picky-eater Lily will tolerate "certain" organic jarred foods, but for the most part, survives off of breast milk and cereal puffs. Worry worry worry....guilt guilt guilt....is she getting enough protein? Vitamins?
I could continue for days here, but why beat myself up? Although I am giggling to myself as I write this, it is also re-hashing that guilt and worry again.
However, just by writing this, is is reminding me to catch myself before those emotions get the best of me. Because I guarantee that any mom out there that is reading this is either agreeing with me or relating to this post in some way or another. We're all in the same boat here, with our ideals about our children and how they will grow up and thrive. And we all come to the realization that those ideals don't always pan out. Nevertheless, I think that raising children is a series of small battles and even larger victories, and at the end of the day, if your child knows that they are loved, it's not the end of the world if you give them a non-organic handful of cheerios to snack on once in a while.
Just give them lots of love, people. And hugs. Give them enough courage to venture out into the world and explore, but just stand close enough behind them so that when they look back, you're there. And try to keep that guilt and worry to a minimum. After all, a good half-hour of "you" time while baby watches Elmo will probably make you a better mommy in the long run because it will give you a break!
And on a side note: The TV has been on the whole time I've been writing this. The Cat in the Hat. And I don't feel guilty one single bit, because my little lady just told me that a cow says "moo". She's only 11 months. I guess TV doesn't hinder language development after all :)
Thanks for reading!
Melly
Monday, 23 January 2012
Friday, 21 October 2011
Be kinder than necessary....
It wasn't long ago that myself and my extended family were out for dinner, and my beautiful niece, who is Autistic and has other special needs, was making quite a kafuffle.
You see, to the average bystander, she looks like an undisciplined child. She yells. She throws things. She cries. My sister-in-law (her mom) has the patience of a saint and is super-mom. We were trying to enjoy our dinner, avoiding the stares of others as my beautiful neice carried on.
Moments later, this old lady came up to our table and yelled at us to "keep our child quiet" or something to that degree.
Needless to say, I was furious. Normally I mind my own business...I am very socially aware. However, for some reason, this really struck a chord in me this time. How dare she?? She doesn't know us! Does she think that my niece is just a bratty kid that is undisciplined, or moreover, that her parents choose to ignore her behaviour and carry on like it's no big deal?
The answer is NO on all accounts. This woman was totally off side. She had no idea how difficult it is for my sister and brother in law to take my niece out to a restaurant, let alone any public place. Some people are very judgemental and for the most part, rude.
I jumped up from my seat to confront this lady. I was steaming angry. But my hubby gently grabbed my arm and stopped me. He told me that perhaps, just like my niece, this lady was suffering from a mental illness or special need as well. Maybe that was why she approached us in anger. Maybe she doesn't have the strong social filter that I have. He calmed me. He consoled me. And our dinner continued, in a very nice fashion, as we promptly ignored the old rude lady.
He reminded me that you never know what is happening in someone's head, or why they behave the way that they do. It also reminded me of a customer that I used to have at my workplace who would come in and scream, yell, and fuss at us from all angles. She would swear at us. She would call to us from across the room, and if we didn't answer right away, she would swear at us again. We hated this lady!! Her rudeness, her uncouth behaviour, was just that straw that was about to break the retail camels' back on many an occasion.....
But then I found out that she had a brain tumour and that was why she yelled and carried on the way she did.
The moral of this story, and my mantra for every day?
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is going through something.
Cheers
Melly
You see, to the average bystander, she looks like an undisciplined child. She yells. She throws things. She cries. My sister-in-law (her mom) has the patience of a saint and is super-mom. We were trying to enjoy our dinner, avoiding the stares of others as my beautiful neice carried on.
Moments later, this old lady came up to our table and yelled at us to "keep our child quiet" or something to that degree.
Needless to say, I was furious. Normally I mind my own business...I am very socially aware. However, for some reason, this really struck a chord in me this time. How dare she?? She doesn't know us! Does she think that my niece is just a bratty kid that is undisciplined, or moreover, that her parents choose to ignore her behaviour and carry on like it's no big deal?
The answer is NO on all accounts. This woman was totally off side. She had no idea how difficult it is for my sister and brother in law to take my niece out to a restaurant, let alone any public place. Some people are very judgemental and for the most part, rude.
I jumped up from my seat to confront this lady. I was steaming angry. But my hubby gently grabbed my arm and stopped me. He told me that perhaps, just like my niece, this lady was suffering from a mental illness or special need as well. Maybe that was why she approached us in anger. Maybe she doesn't have the strong social filter that I have. He calmed me. He consoled me. And our dinner continued, in a very nice fashion, as we promptly ignored the old rude lady.
He reminded me that you never know what is happening in someone's head, or why they behave the way that they do. It also reminded me of a customer that I used to have at my workplace who would come in and scream, yell, and fuss at us from all angles. She would swear at us. She would call to us from across the room, and if we didn't answer right away, she would swear at us again. We hated this lady!! Her rudeness, her uncouth behaviour, was just that straw that was about to break the retail camels' back on many an occasion.....
But then I found out that she had a brain tumour and that was why she yelled and carried on the way she did.
The moral of this story, and my mantra for every day?
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is going through something.
Cheers
Melly
Saturday, 1 October 2011
Bargoons!
Good morning!
I have recently discovered the joys of on-line shopping....and it's good. In fact, it is so good, so fun, that it is getting bad :p My visa has been getting a little bit too much exercise these days, if you know what I mean!
However, there is much to be said for the great swap meets out there, as well as the kid's swap, buy and sell site on facebook. It is a community site that allows moms to post pics of their new and or gently used clothing, toys, baby gear etc. and sell it. Let me tell you, I have scored some deals on this site! I have so many cute outfits for my little peanut now, and they're all barely used. After all, these kidlets of ours grow so fast that they often only get to wear an outfit once before it's too small!
So.....this newfound passion of finding deals on-line makes me happy. It's reusing old clothes, which is good for the environment, which makes me happy :)
gotta go...the baby's whining. Have a good one!
Melly
I have recently discovered the joys of on-line shopping....and it's good. In fact, it is so good, so fun, that it is getting bad :p My visa has been getting a little bit too much exercise these days, if you know what I mean!
However, there is much to be said for the great swap meets out there, as well as the kid's swap, buy and sell site on facebook. It is a community site that allows moms to post pics of their new and or gently used clothing, toys, baby gear etc. and sell it. Let me tell you, I have scored some deals on this site! I have so many cute outfits for my little peanut now, and they're all barely used. After all, these kidlets of ours grow so fast that they often only get to wear an outfit once before it's too small!
So.....this newfound passion of finding deals on-line makes me happy. It's reusing old clothes, which is good for the environment, which makes me happy :)
gotta go...the baby's whining. Have a good one!
Melly
Saturday, 27 August 2011
Navigations
Good morning all
One of the reasons I decided to create this blog was not only to vent, but also to provide support to all those other mommies out there that have inevitably felt overwhelmed at one point or another.
I marvel now at all the books, websites, blogs etc that are dedicated to prenatal care and advice. The section at Chapters is huge! However, I find that the literature and support for post-partum care is much more limited, and albeit, a little trite and condescending. For example, you will read that childbirth is a beautiful and magical experience (which it is), but no where is it mentioned that you will need a good 2 week all-inclusive vacation in the Carribean afterwards, sans baby, to recover. You might read that your post-pregnancy hormone shift is a little drastic, but that you should bounce back within 2 weeks or so (and if not, contact your doctor). Once again, there is nothing that I have found that says that the plummet of your pregnancy happy hormones will leave you feeling like a weepy mess, looking at this crying newborn thinking "what have I done??"
Do I sound harsh? Well, if you've done it - given birth, I mean - then you are probably agreeing with me. I remember 2 days after giving birth, I recieved a message from a friend. She asked me "have you hit rock bottom yet?" I chuckled at that, thinking "I won't hit rock bottom. I'm made for this, I'll be fine"
Wrong!
Every first time mommy hits rock bottom. And if you don't, I think you're fibbing. Sorry to sound insensitive, but let's face it. You're exhausted, especially if the doctors made you push for 3 hours like they did me. Your hormones have been through the gauntlet. Your milk is coming in. And you are completely, utterly SHOCKED that you made this little snuffling, squeaking person that is attatched to your boob/bottle 24/7. I kept wondering when the real mommy was going to come and pick my daughter up and let me return to my previous life!
But then, all of a sudden, your baby starts smiling at you. Starts waving her arms, grabbing at things that dangle in front of his face. Cooing and showing characteristics that are familiar to you ("hey! That's my hubby's dimple in her cheek!"). And this makes it all worth it. They grow on you until it becomes a full-blown love affair quite unlike anything you have ever experienced.
So what I'm trying to say here is this: it DOES get better. And if you have encountered anything that I have written above here, then sigh with relief: YOU ARE NORMAL!
xo
Melly
One of the reasons I decided to create this blog was not only to vent, but also to provide support to all those other mommies out there that have inevitably felt overwhelmed at one point or another.
I marvel now at all the books, websites, blogs etc that are dedicated to prenatal care and advice. The section at Chapters is huge! However, I find that the literature and support for post-partum care is much more limited, and albeit, a little trite and condescending. For example, you will read that childbirth is a beautiful and magical experience (which it is), but no where is it mentioned that you will need a good 2 week all-inclusive vacation in the Carribean afterwards, sans baby, to recover. You might read that your post-pregnancy hormone shift is a little drastic, but that you should bounce back within 2 weeks or so (and if not, contact your doctor). Once again, there is nothing that I have found that says that the plummet of your pregnancy happy hormones will leave you feeling like a weepy mess, looking at this crying newborn thinking "what have I done??"
Do I sound harsh? Well, if you've done it - given birth, I mean - then you are probably agreeing with me. I remember 2 days after giving birth, I recieved a message from a friend. She asked me "have you hit rock bottom yet?" I chuckled at that, thinking "I won't hit rock bottom. I'm made for this, I'll be fine"
Wrong!
Every first time mommy hits rock bottom. And if you don't, I think you're fibbing. Sorry to sound insensitive, but let's face it. You're exhausted, especially if the doctors made you push for 3 hours like they did me. Your hormones have been through the gauntlet. Your milk is coming in. And you are completely, utterly SHOCKED that you made this little snuffling, squeaking person that is attatched to your boob/bottle 24/7. I kept wondering when the real mommy was going to come and pick my daughter up and let me return to my previous life!
But then, all of a sudden, your baby starts smiling at you. Starts waving her arms, grabbing at things that dangle in front of his face. Cooing and showing characteristics that are familiar to you ("hey! That's my hubby's dimple in her cheek!"). And this makes it all worth it. They grow on you until it becomes a full-blown love affair quite unlike anything you have ever experienced.
So what I'm trying to say here is this: it DOES get better. And if you have encountered anything that I have written above here, then sigh with relief: YOU ARE NORMAL!
xo
Melly
Monday, 22 August 2011
EcoBabyBuys - one of my fave deal sites
Check out EcoBabyBuys at http://www.ecobabybuys.com/. Sign up for their daily email alerts and they will send you their daily deal on eco-friendly baby products!
Right now they have a giveaway for cloth diapers! http://www.ecobabybuys.com/blog/?p=303
Lily wears Comfy Rumps, a local company, and we love them. https://store-aca76.mybigcommerce.com/
Right now they have a giveaway for cloth diapers! http://www.ecobabybuys.com/blog/?p=303
Lily wears Comfy Rumps, a local company, and we love them. https://store-aca76.mybigcommerce.com/
My Very First Blog Post!
Wow! I've always wanted to create a blog, but never found the time or energy to put it to fruition! Well, here I am, on maternity leave, with a 6 month old baby girl that now can sit up on her own and play on the floor for longer periods of time, and sleeps for longer naps during the day, which means one thing to me: that I finally have some spare time! Let me tell you, as tempting as it is to do the five millionth load of laundry while she occupies herself with a rattle, or catnap while she slumbers ("sleep when the baby sleeps!" say all the advice-givers), I would prefer to vent some creative energies and write this blog.
I'm hoping that all of you that choose to follow my posts will find them amusing and refreshing, because I'm going to try to be candid, straight up and tell it from the heart. This journey called parenthood is a real mind-bender, and no matter how prepared you think you might be, it still blows your mind in amazing, scary, wonderful ways!
As with every day that passes in my daughter Lily's life, I am marveled by the miracle of it all. I am also finding myself scratching my head, rolling my eyes and sighing with relief (and not in that order) at what it takes to parent. Let me tell you .... everything I swore that I wouldn't do, every book that I read, every preperation that I made, all went out the window when she was born. And it's OK! There are no rules here, you just have to navigate this new journey with your instincts and learn from your mistakes along the way. I hope you all enjoy reading about my trials and tribulations as a new mom, and most importantly, have a few chuckles along the way. After all, if you can't laugh at yourself, then what?
Cheers
Melly
I'm hoping that all of you that choose to follow my posts will find them amusing and refreshing, because I'm going to try to be candid, straight up and tell it from the heart. This journey called parenthood is a real mind-bender, and no matter how prepared you think you might be, it still blows your mind in amazing, scary, wonderful ways!
As with every day that passes in my daughter Lily's life, I am marveled by the miracle of it all. I am also finding myself scratching my head, rolling my eyes and sighing with relief (and not in that order) at what it takes to parent. Let me tell you .... everything I swore that I wouldn't do, every book that I read, every preperation that I made, all went out the window when she was born. And it's OK! There are no rules here, you just have to navigate this new journey with your instincts and learn from your mistakes along the way. I hope you all enjoy reading about my trials and tribulations as a new mom, and most importantly, have a few chuckles along the way. After all, if you can't laugh at yourself, then what?
Cheers
Melly
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